Challenges to Spiritual Parenting; Pastor John Repsold

Challenges To Spiritual Parenting

I Corinthians 4:14-20

January 11, 2026

Fellowship Question: In as few words as possible, how would

you describe your parents’ parenting style?

INTRO:

 How many of you are currently active parents?

 Grandparents?

 Actively engaged Aunts/Uncles/cousins?

 How many of us are offspring of someone? (I’ll assume

you’re an alien if you didn’t raise your hand just now.)

I love the way God has designed this life to be a microcosm or

mirror of more enduring spiritual realities. One of those is clearly

FAMILY. None of us get into life without some sort of family:

parents, siblings, spouses, children, etc. Hopefully all of us don’t

get out of life without natural or spiritual family relationships

either.

Our spiritual family is what God in the Bible calls the

church. If you have been “born again” by faith in Jesus Christ, you

have…

 Spiritual parents: those who brought the Gospel of Christ

to you in a way that birthed you spiritually and nurtured

you initially in Jesus; spiritual mentors along the journey

who coached and challenged you to keep growing in Christ.

 Spiritual siblings: brothers and sisters in Jesus who we get

to live with, tease, tussle with, grow with, be refined by and

with, etc.

 Spiritual offspring: Hopefully, most of us will have the

joy of spiritual parenting along the way, too. We may get

to see people come to faith in Jesus because of our witness.

We may get to “parent” them or other believers by teaching

I Sunday School or leading your family spiritually or

discipling a small group, or mentoring someone spiritually

at an important stage of their life.

If you are “born again” in Christ, you will be able to place yourself

somewhere in the passage we’re in this morning in 1 Corinthains 4.

Major take-aways from this passage:

 The power of spiritual parenting comes from the

conformity of our life/character to Christ. (This is why

the goal of natural parenting is not nearly so much about

conforming our children to our expectations as conforming

our lives to Christ.)

 The enjoyment of our spiritual upbringing and family

parallels our embracing of godly models. (This is why

choosing godly leaders is as important as embracing

humble submission to those leaders.)

Bonding Background: Families are meant to bond—emotionally,

physically, spiritually, relationally.

Paul had spent about 18 months in Corinth preaching the

Gospel, training up new believes and investing in the life of the

church there. It was longer than he spent in any other city raising

up a church. Clearly these people and this church mattered deeply

to him.

Then there was the bonding that comes to every parent,

natural or spiritual, when you bring a new life into your family.

Many of these brothers/sisters had come into the family of God

because of Paul’s sacrifices, prayers, labors, love and investment.

But lots of things can mess with family bonding. Parents

get ‘deployed’ or have to travel due to work. Paul did. Parents

and kids get sick. The Corinthians church did. Kids rebel, choose

poor peers or coaches and stop listening to their parents. Some in

the Corinthian church did become rebels.

So, as we look at this passage, look at the challenges and

charges to both spiritual parents and kids, to church leaders and

members. Maybe you will find yourself in both roles.

1 Corinthians 4:14 & 21

14  I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to

admonish you as my beloved children.

14 What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love

in a spirit of gentleness?

Some of you were subject to shame as children or adults. Your

failures or simply your failure to live up to someone’s expectations

was used to make you feel inferior as a person, unworthy of love

and damaged goods as a human being. Imperfection in action was

not disconnected from imperfection in personhood. That is what

shame does. It leaves you feeling like you don’t measure up, not

just your actions or failure to act. Shame is a very poor long-term

development tool in parenting, natural or spiritual. Paul knew that.

But Paul also knew that love has to be both tough and

tender, strong and gentle.

So here’s our 1 st parenting principle: shaming is a poor parental

tool but corrective love is a powerful one.

Paul calls this kind of parenting loving “admonishing.”

It’s very different from shaming. The term for “beloved children”

used in vs. 14 and for “love” used in vs. 21 (“shall I come to

you…with love….”) are the same root: agape—God-like, self-

sacrificing love that has the best interest of the one being loved or

“admonished” at heart.

Paul is trying to communicate in a letter what usually gets

pretty obviously communicated in tone or style of a parent’s or a

pastor’s voice. We know the difference between a parent who is

shaming a child and one who is correcting or lovingly

disciplining or ‘admonishing’ them into maturity. In my

experience, shaming more often happened when either my parents

or I as a parent was angry. Anger isn’t always bad, but it is not the

best tool to communicate sacrificial love either. It usually comes

across as self-focused rather than concern for the growth of a child

in love.

Shaming by pastors and spiritual shepherds happens too.

We can tell when a spiritual leader is trying to get us to do

something because it makes them or their church look better.

But the Corinthians knew Paul’s voice, his day-in and day-

out sacrificial living among them. Then knew how hard he had

worked not to be a burden to them and to show them that life in

Christ was a gift, not a ministry they had to fund.

And I’ll bet this wasn’t the first time they had heard him

call them “my beloved children.” I’ll bet those very words brought

back memories of a spiritual dad who they knew really loved them,

had often spoken lovingly to them and had sacrificed lovingly for

them.

Listen for just a moment to the kind of bonded love another

church, Ephesus, clearly had experienced in their relationship with

Paul. It’s found in Acts 20, the last time Paul would see them.

18  When they arrived, he said to them: “You know how I

lived the whole time I was with you, from the first day I came into

the province of Asia.  19  I served the Lord with great humility and

with tears and in the midst of severe testing by the plots of my

Jewish opponents.  20  You know that I have not hesitated to preach

anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly

and from house to house.  21  I have declared to both Jews and

Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in

our Lord Jesus.

Skip to vs. 25--

25  “Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone

about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again.  26  Therefore, I

declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of any of

you.  27  For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of

God.  28  Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the

Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of

God, which he bought with his own blood.  29  I know that after I

leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare

the flock.  30  Even from your own number men will arise and distort

the truth in order to draw away disciples after them.  31  So be on

your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped

warning each of you night and day with tears.

32  “Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace,

which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all

those who are sanctified.  33  I have not coveted anyone’s silver or

gold or clothing.  34  You yourselves know that these hands of mine

have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions.  35  In

everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we

must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself

said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

36  When Paul had finished speaking, he knelt down with all

of them and prayed.  37  They all wept as they embraced him and

kissed him.  38  What grieved them most was his statement that they

would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the

ship.

Strong, loving words from clearly a strong, loving leader.

APP: Too often as pastors and parents we make parenting about

us and how the kids or congregants make us feel rather than about

them and how we’re helping them truly grow up. Yes, it’s hard to

take ourselves and our desires for success or even successful kids

out of the equation. But kids and congregants can tell when it’s

about us or it’s about them. It’s the difference between shame and

love.

I chose the term “corrective love” as the polar opposite of

shame because the term “love” itself is so misunderstood in our

society. Biblical love is not anything we want it to be. It doesn’t

mean there won’t be conversations and challenges that make us

uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean we’ll always look forward to

family meetings or always go away feeling like a million bucks.

But the dominant experience or mood of healthy parent-child

experiences is the question that Paul ends this paragraph with in

verse 21— “What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod,

or with love in a spirit of gentleness?”

Loving parents and pastors know that you have to use both

“rods” and “gentleness”, both “swats” and “hugs.” And they

better not be used in equal measure.

Painful discipline is the exception; gentle love is the rule.

ILL: Sandy & I are often asked by parents, “Did you spank your

children.” We both will say, “Yes, BUT…not very often.” We

found that an appropriate slap on the hand or bottom when they

were 3 or 4 produced an appropriate aversion to defiance of Mom

or Dad. In fact, I don’t think we spanked or swatted any of our

children more than a half-dozen times at the most. So how many

moments in a child’s life was the rod needed as opposed to the

millions of other moments when gentle love was used?

ILL: one of my favorite titles in parenting books I have in my

library is—A Hug, A Kiss, & a Kick in the Pants. That pretty well

sums up parenting, both spiritual and natural. Parents (and pastors)

who neglect either side of that scale give children a warped

understanding of life and God.

May God give you parents and any of us responsible for

influencing the spiritual lives of others the godly balance between

minimal discipline and maximal affection.

And may God give us more pastors and spiritual leaders

who are strong in “strong love.”

Now Paul appeals to his role as spiritual father “through the

Gospel.” (Vs. 15)

15  For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not

have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus

through the gospel.

Paul makes it clear that it was “the gospel” that was the

means by which he became their spiritual father. That is really

important. Too many pastors, spiritual mentors or spiritual

influencers didn’t get their role by the Gospel of Christ. They got

them by some other means—charismatic personality, great

speaking ability, great writing ability, or attractive ministries.

While there is nothing wrong with enjoying someone’s

communication style or ability, people who are true and worthy

spiritual parents get that role because of the Gospel of Christ, not

themselves. They get it because it is the transforming truth of

God they are delivering, not just entertaining stories. They know

that it is the Gospel that is “the power of God to salvation.”

They are convinced that what people need is the whole gospel of

Christ, not them as the leader. So they are always pointing to

Jesus, always calling people to Him, always making a big deal of

God’s good news, His transforming, powerful, soul-piercing Word.

The Gospel is what brings life spiritually to people, not the

messenger.

God does use people to bring transforming truth to us. And

some have more significant roles than others. Paul doesn’t mince

words about that. The term he uses here for “guides” is pai-dog-o-

gos. Among the Greeks and the Romans that name/title was

applied to trustworthy slaves who were charged with the duty of

supervising the life and morals of boys belonging to the better

class. The boys were not allowed so much as to step out of the

house without them before arriving at the age of manhood. The

role is not so much that of a teacher, tutor or instructor. That

focuses too much on the content and knowledge. This word

focuses more upon the shepherding of a life.

Paul is acknowledged that in our spiritual family, there

may be many people who do that “guiding” in the course of our

life. That’s normal. But Paul is trying to distinguish between that

role and what his role is with this church.

ILL: We’ve all hopefully had some great teachers, both academic

and spiritual. Blessed is the student who has great teachers. But

that bond is quite different from the parent-child bond. There is a

lot more emotional connection there, more deep feelings, more

life-long respect.

Paul is appealing to that. Though other people are speaking

into their lives, Paul reminds them that the parent’s role is

unique—not one to be put on a par with anyone else’s role, great

though they may be.

APP: This is why I try to remind moms and dads that their

parental calling is THE highest calling they will ever have. They

may be the CEO of a company that employes thousands of people.

But the only people for whom they will ever be a parent are their

children. Nobody can ever take that role from them…unless they

give it away. Don’t do that, moms and dads. No job, no salary, no

prestige, no accolades, no big house, no nice car, nothing is worth

letting that quickly passing role of parenting slip away from you.

Once that window has closed, you can never get it back again.

Nothing compares with the power of parental modeling for long-

term impact.

Which brings us to the second principle for parenting.

Principle #2 for effective natural and spiritual parents: Model

Christ.

Vs. 16-- 6  I urge you, then, be imitators of me.  17  That is why I

sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to

remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in

every church. 

Paul is going to echo this statement in 11:1 when he says,

“Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” Or as the NIV says,

“Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.” No parent

should say to their children, “Do always and everything you see

me do.” None of us is perfect so there are things that our children

clearly should not follow or imitate.

But, insofar as my life conforms to Jesus’ life, character,

actions, thoughts and words, THAT is what I want my children to

follow.

Of course, the sobering thing about both natural and

spiritual parenting is that children in the most impressionable

stages of development don’t know how to discern which things to

follow and which to throw out. Even when we’re older and we

determine not to follow the sins and failings of our parents, what

we saw and lived with has immense power to shape us.

APP: This is why parents, the best thing you can do every day

and every year is to make becoming like Jesus your #1 goal,

plan, objective and passion. It’s the corollary to the axiom, “The

best gift a mom and dad can give to their children is a strong

marriage.” Well, the best gift a mom or dad can individually give

to their children is a strong, living, transforming and growing

relationship with Jesus.

This is also THE best thing spiritual leaders can give to

those they lead: a dynamic, vital, powerful, transforming

relationship with Jesus Christ. This is why the biblical

requirements for Elders focus so much on character. Is the

leader’s character being transformed into the likeness of

Jesus?

This is why pastors and shepherds of a church should be

selected after the test of time observing their life, their family

interactions, their character under pressure and in meaningful

oversight of people. That doesn’t guarantee you’ll end up

choosing or following someone who won’t fail you at some point.

We’re human. BUT, the best predictor, I think, of finding good

spiritual leadership in your life and church is to find someone who

is following so hard after Jesus that their character is being

shaped in very visible ways into the image of Jesus.

Q: If the next generation of the church is going to live and love

like you or me are right now, what kind of church will it be? If

my life is growing in Jesus and modeling Him, it’s going to be a

great church. But if I’m not growing in Him, if I’ve stagnated or

am living at 50% of my God-given spiritual capacity, we’re in

trouble…and so are our children and grandchildren.

APP: This is why I’m so jazzed about Rooted. It gives me

another opportunity to refine and sharpen spiritual practices I know

positively impact my life. I know that just doing what I’ve been

doing the last year in my spiritual disciplines will help me and feed

me to some degree. But I also know that when I accept a new

challenge or dive into a new expression of even well-established

spiritual practices in my life, I grow. And I want to keep growing

until I draw my last breath. YOU need a pastor that is growing

every day and week. I need brothers and sisters who are stepping

out by faith, taking on new spiritual challenges, diving into the

deeper end of the pool and learning to swim spiritually better and

stronger than ever.

As Paul said to the Corinthian church, I “admonish you”

Mosaic: “Seize the day! Trade the remote for relationship in

Christ. Exchange the routine for the challenging and refreshing.”

I’m not saying that because I want to see a whole bunch of people

in a program. I want to see ALL of us growing more than we did

last year, talking with people about Jesus more than we did in

2025, finding the joy of ministering to people more than we did the

past 12 months. I want to see you and me resting and being

renewed in Jesus more than last year. I want to be a more Christ-

following husband, a better Jesus-mirroring dad and grandpa, a

more Christ-imitating pastor and shepherd. And I know that won’t

happen to a significantly greater degree if I’m content staying at

the same level I was at last year or last month or this week.

I want a LIFE that is powerful in Christ, not just

WORDS that people listen to. This is how Paul put it:

18  Some are arrogant, as though I were not coming to you.  19  But I

will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I will find out not the

talk of these arrogant people but their power.  20  For the kingdom

of God does not consist in talk but in power.

I’m deathly afraid of a life, a ministry, a church that is more

about talk than about the power of God transforming us. IF there

is anything today at Mosaic that matters to the Kingdom, it won’t

be primarily about words; it will be about what happens inside

our souls, in our character, in our daily routines that reveals the

transforming power of God.

ILL: Perhaps you heard this week…again, sadly…about one of

the very gifted, very well-known, very popular Evangelical

Chrsitian authors who confessed to an affair he’s been having over

the last 8 years of his now 55-year old marriage.

None of us is beyond failing like that, no one! So I’m not

in any way saying I’m superior to this brother. I’m a sinner saved

daily by grace who needs the same kind of grace and mercy and

forgiveness he’s going to need going forward.

But during those last 8 years, he continued speaking,

continued writing, continued serving in the evangelical Christian

community…with words…and few if any discerned that, at least in

his life, it was just words he was giving out instead of the

transforming power of God transforming him. He could not have

been growing in seeing the power of God working in his own life

while being unfaithful to his God and to his wife these past 8 years.

He somehow got used to not hearing God’s voice, not being

convicted about his sin, not experiencing the joy of faithful

obedience, not seeing new and fresh power of the Gospel in his

life. Lack of being transformed became the standard.

Disobedience became acceptable. And the power of God

evaporated!

To the obvious question, “How did no one notice?” or

“How could God still use him in the church?” I think the answer

lies in the nature of the Gospel, the word of God, which he still

“preached.” The power is never in us. It is always in the Word.

God’s Word, God’s truth, God’s Gospel IS powerful apart from

us…even despite us. Maybe that is why any of us can be caught in

sin but still share that Gospel and it still transforms a human soul,

still causes people to be born again, still leads to real life change in

those who hear and receive it. The GOSPEL is the power of God,

not me.

But too often we, the church, are content…no, drawn to…

the power of human speaking rather than the real power, the

eternal power, the living power of God’s word and God’s working

in a person. But imagine the difference we experience in the

church, this spiritual family, when the spiritual parents are

mirroring Jesus and the spiritual children are embracing that

modeling.

This is a two-way street. It takes spiritual ‘parents’,

spiritual leaders, who love Jesus, live Jesus, are growing in Jesus

and are present and sacrificially loving enough for the spiritual

‘children’ under their care to see and experience Jesus along with

them.

But it also takes spiritual ‘children’ who are humble

enough to submit to the imperfect spiritual parents God gives

them. It takes brothers and sisters who want the power of God

and the Gospel more than the presence of a charismatic

personality or polished programs. Building a great spiritual family

takes both Christ-following leaders and people.

How about we ask God to make us all hungry for that kind

of family, those kind of spiritual leaders, that kind of spiritual

family as a church?